Desire: What really turns us on?

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/desire/desire-what-really-turns-us-on-1606978.html

‘No matter how much their keypads insisted they weren’t interested in the scenes before them, their internal monitors showed they were turned on by everything: straight sex, gay sex, lesbian sex, the nude gymnast – even the rutting simians got a vaginal thumbs-up. ”

“Academics are pondering the importance of being desired in inspiring desire; how women are turned on by the thought of being wanted – not just loved by a caring and empathetic partner, but urgently, physically craved to a level of derangement. “Women’s desire,” said one (female) professor, “is not relational, it’s narcissistic.” Coleridge expressed the same idea 170 years earlier: “The man’s desire is for the woman,” he wrote, “but the woman’s desire is rarely other than for the desire of the man.” ”

“Women would be amazed if they knew what men desire about them. Yes, of course, they want to see women naked and supine and melting, but male desire is far more readily stimulated by what the oblique glance discovers: the parted lips, the micron of eyelash which the mascara brush missed, the changing angle and shadow of cleavage, the bra-strap alternately displayed and covered up, the ripe-camembert plumpness at the edge of hips. There is, inside every adult man, a relentless Peeping Tom, a perennial 14-year-old boy, still amazed by the phenomenon of women on display, flagging their sexuality, their availability, with every square inch of visible flesh, clothing, make-up and curve. ”

“For men, desire involves the primal urge to possess and penetrate the object of their attention, but also the more sophisticated urge to invade her (or his) life, to become the object of her attention and affection. Male desire does not cease when the initiating partner – the desirer – has finished performing the blanket hornpipe and the midnight rodeo upon (or beneath) the desiree. In many respects, his urge to explore every nook and cranny of her body and soul has only just begun.
Male lust is an ignorant, blind, bullying thing – an immediate need, as real as hunger though not quite so life-threatening. Male desire is more subtle and strategic than wanting to get laid. It yearns to satisfy something more long-term, something awkwardly freighted with spiritual components. It’s about wanting to offer yourself to a person you admire, to combine your two spirits. ”

“Women have been much more concerned about having the “right” kind of sex ever since Sigmund Freud started the “vaginal vs clitoral” orgasm debate back in 1905. He gave several generations of women instantaneous inferiority complexes when he wrote that the clitoral orgasm was an “adolescent” phenomenon that “mature” women would outgrow.”

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